An Afficianado's Help guide influenza Remix
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2009, was the summer season with the flu. So while BakerMuse is on holiday, We are adding 4% new material to some fan favorite an Afficiando's Help guide to the Flu. My advice: Don't frolic with mince pie after midnight.
If my sources are correct, influenza (flu) originates from the Greek roughly translated as "Put Dr. Kevorkian on Speed Dial." As a dedicated flu aficionado , I will be for the flu that of a sommelier would be to wine. Many a Saturday night I've staggerd across my living room looking more haggardly ill than both Mcqueen and Hoffman in Papillon. I will sense the subtle flavorings of each and every flu strain. Some use a hint of nausea which has a whisper of migrane. For instance,Cheap Nike Dunk High Kids Premium SB Pacman Sale, We can tell the particular distinction between the horrible effects Spanish Flu or surprisingly vicious but shortlived Uber Schenectady Flu.
The Baker Clan is a favorite host and subsequent victim of the flues since great plague.
For my nonflu oriented friends, We have compiled a summary of the best influenza strains as well as their symptoms.
1,Cheap Nike Dunk Premium SB Statue of Liberty Sale. Hugging the Porcelain God (HPG)
This flu carries a mysterious ninjatype quality. 1 minute you're craving bizarre foods something like poached loin of Yak having a seaweed demiglaze, then suddenly you are making want to closest commode. This flu turns your stomach in to a massive Yak tsunami. For anybody who is within the clutches of this flu drag the closest futon in your bathroom and set it next to the toilet. The HPG flu is what we experts at BakerMuse call the Spew and Snooze.
This flu is so vile, you'll be throwing up food you needed since a child like Gerber's famous strained peas and liver. The worst point about this flu is after the spewing ends the dry heave phase begins. The stomach clearly knows nothing is left to toss, but feels compelled to repeat the act repeatedly. I once found my entire stomach lining from the sink drain.
If you wake and you're feeling as if a 7foot, hairy type of Claude Akins is dancing on the chest, you have got the Saquatch. Just forget about breathing my friend as you have just exchanged lungs having a 54yearold waitress from Yuma who's singlehandedly kept the unfiltered Camel Brand alive. First, your voice will automatically lower five registers so that you sound the same as Susanne Pleshette. Then, because the Sasquatch works its way using your bronchial tubes you'll set out to pay out a lung, and in some cases your body will turn completely back to front. North Pole Elves have their own version of this called Tinsel Lung.
As the name implies, you could possibly too Velcro you to ultimately the bathroom, since this is going to be a lengthy stay. This nasty virus goes directly to your intestines and sets out to propagate like rabbits on the triple dose of Viagra. The socalled "friendly" bacteria are damaged turning your colon in to a large section of PVC pipe. Based on which version of "FITH" you get, the variations are called followed. The Howizer. This should actually be selfexplanatory. Actually, this can be a flu best investigated with the Jet Propulsion Laboratory. Caution: Hold on to the bathroom . seat or else you be rocketed in the nearest attic. The Calcutta. This awful flu combines the worst options that come with both Howitzer as well as the Hugging the Porcelain God. When you play host to this particular double whammy, An excellent opportunity a couple of asbestos diapers. Mrs. O'leary's Cow. This is the worst. It's actually a five alarm fire and you're looking at it. You are feeling like one million Habaneropeppers are partying in your lower intestine. Some conspiracy buffs believe this may be the most important cause of Climate change.
This may be being among the most mysterious of all the flu bugs. It really is gender-specific. This flu attacks the kind of men that are bubbling cauldrons of testosterone. Men that wake up a five AM, put on some natural hemp underwear and go out fishing broke and alone greater than a bent nail and dental floss.
Unfortunately, this flu short circuits the brain and suddenly this man's whole life may be the LifeTime Channel. This man will place on a comfortable robe, sip chamomile tea and view movies with names like "The Stranger I Married," or "My Husband,Cheap Nike Air Force 2 II Mid Classic Shoes Men Black Red Sale Sale, my 2nd Cousin" and weep all the way through it. This phase lasts approximately 3 days. If the man starts discussing a wish to knit a tea cosy, call 911.
5. The WackaMole or Deja Flu
This strain with the flu commences with a case of the sniffles. A box of Puffs with aloe is a small investment in your cure. But your throat sets out to feel as if coarse sandpaper and a dry cough sets out to emerge. So, in go the lozenges and you have only spent a $1.99 and put into the Smith Brothers coffers. Then, the cough becomes a nerve wracking hacking and finally into something resembling the mucous sort of the show Krakatoa, East of Java. Instantly, the sniffles have died just to changed gymnastic stomach. This is the time you begin binge drinking Pepto Bismol. Take my word for this, this is not enough time to accept symbol. At this point, the previously mentioned Fire in the Hole takes over. The wackamole feature is that these symptoms can be shown in different combination without notice. Even weeks later when you've got some tips i call deja flu.
I have about 49 more of these viral personalities catalogued. I write them down all now, though the Lifetime Channel is on but Tory Spelling is starring.
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